Mind The Gap…

Can we first spare a moment of silence for the man, the legend….50 Cent. The G that got rich and didn’t die trying, and recently managed to bankrupt himself in a coke storm of (borrowed) cars, gold chains and hoes.

If theres one thing that Mr Cent has taught me, its that even if you go from rags to riches on the back of successful r&b/rap songs that fetishise childhood pastimes and birthday parties, you can loose it all in a second thanks to an un-strategically placed dick.

Best give up now then.

Speaking of bankruptcy; I have recently moved to London.

I’m starting to think that when Kate Moss said “get the London look” she was actually referring to the unwashed, unshaven, fag toting, Sainsbury’s basic beer drinking mess I’m going to become if I leave the house one more time before I move out of this bloody city.

I went to use the tube the other day from Holborn to Oxford Circus and had to hand over £2.30, my firstborn child, my university degree and the clothes off my back.

Turned out it wasn’t even working, there was a tube strike on so I walked it.

I don’t know how people do it. If I stayed any longer I’d have to start letting my London Bridge down if you know what I mean.

Hint hint, nudge nudge.

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When I first got my swanky London summer job, with its decent pay at fancy establishment, I had visions of rocking up in a bedazzled black cab in head to to Chanel a la Posh Spice.

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Instead I have been reduced to hiding out on my duvet bunker and hoping for my bank to have a computer glitch and accidentally forget to “autosave” my overdraft…like those times you spend a week of all nighters at the library and and wake up to find that your essay has disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Cash donations are welcome.

Designer shoes even more so.

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HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT?

P.S. London move is (thankfully) a temporary situation. T-14 days till I move to Mississippi…posts to come.

London…

As I type this I’m sat on a train at Paddington station, soon to be headed back to uni.

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I’m already missing home.

I won’t lie, I’ve considered chaining myself to the gates and refusing to go…or just hurling myself out the window with my suitcase and three bags…

…it’s all good I’ll hitch a cow back to Essex.

Out of all the places I’ve visited in the world, I still think London is my favourite…I’m almost regretting my decision to refuse to go to uni there…almost.

So jealous of all you London students, you have the world at your feet!

Actually, don’t worry I just remembered how much I spent on that bloody disgusting Pret sandwich on Friday.

All in all this week has been very strange. It’s finally sunk in that for the next three years I will be calling two places “home” and I’ll have two families to go back to, which means that I will be in a perpetual state of homesickness.

*Mindfuck*

Oh an did I mention that I may possibly be moving to America next year?

Yeah, so that happened.

Turns out I have the opportunity to go and study at the wonderful college of William and Mary in Virginia. Everyone I’ve spoken to says I have to go….so I’m going…

…all I’ve got to do is write a stunning application, get two great academic references and total 65% in my first year.

*Bangs head against pull out tray*

I only spent three months of my life and £500 applying to American universities already.

S.O.S.